To Myself by W.S. Merwin

"Even when I forget you
I go on looking for you
I believe I would know you
I keep remembering you
sometimes long ago but then
other times I am sure you
were here for a moment before
and the air is still alive
around where you were and I
think then I can recognize
you who are always the same
who pretend to be time but
you are not time and who speak
in the words but you are not
what they say you who are not
lost when I do not find you"

The first response I receive from this poem is the choppy–ness of it. The first four lines start out nicely, ending the phrase with a complete thought. Nevertheless, slowly it moves from smooth connected thoughts, to a more frantic phrasing (sometimes long ago but then… other times I am sure you… were here for a moment before) and ending in near incomprehensible words (what they say you who are not… lost when I do not find you.) However it is the last phrase “I do not find you” that jumps out at me (I would warrant that would be climax.)

But luckily, I did not despair at the complexity, but was rather intrigued at what an Author would want to say in such a masked way, for does not the poet write but to lead the reader to be understood? Re-reading (several times) the poem reveals the search that Merwin wants the reader to feel. Reading the disconnected run-on thought (for me) expresses the convoluted thoughts on his search for “you who are always the same…who pretend to be time but you are not time…” From this, one can interpret that this is his search for an other worldly power or state (supported by him being a devout Buddhist according to Poets.org). “Who speak in the words, but you are not what they say, you who are not lost when I do not find you.” [Punctuation added] The Words, or perhaps teachings, contain a piece of the searchéd, but is not contained, and is not dependent on the searcher if not found.